How to Forgive When Your Spouse Has Hurt You?

How to Forgive When Your Spouse Has Hurt You?

The ability to forgive is a critical tool in marriage. Forgiving past hurts and not holding grudges helps you maintain your emotional, mental, and physical health. Holding on to hurt destroys relationships and makes us feel powerless over our lives because we can’t control the situation or change anything about it. However, forgiveness grants power back by letting go of someone else’s actions that changed how we live, think, or feel even if they are no longer around.

Health Benefits: the act of forgiveness can reduce the risk of heart attack, lower cholesterol levels, improve sleep, reduce pain, lower your blood pressure, and decrease levels of anxiety, depression, and stress.

How to Forgive Your Partner:

  • Be open and receptive to forgiveness.
    • Forgiveness is a powerful tool for healing. Letting go of anger or resentment can make you feel lighter and more positive about your life, which will help put the past behind you and improve how you perceive your spouse. Forgiving someone who has done something to hurt us might not always be easy, but it’s worth making that effort. To move on with our lives, we must let go of these negative emotions not to hold us back anymore.

  • Make a conscious decision to forgive your spouse.
    • When you disagree with your spouse, decide to forgive them and move on, even if they apologize or not. You’ll save yourself from stress or holding grudges which could eventually lead to resentment.
    • Decide whether forgiveness is in order after an argument by asking, “Do I want this feeling of anger?” If so, then keep it going, but if not, then let go as soon as possible before things get out of hand!

  • Think of a calming place or do something to distract yourself from dwelling on those thoughts when images of the betrayal or hurt flash in your mind.
    • Dwelling on the betrayal can take a toll on your mental health. So if you are experiencing these feelings and thoughts, do something to distract yourself from dwelling in that place of hurt or pain, like watching a movie, reading an engaging book with interesting characters, listening to music, and talking with friends.

  • Refrain from throwing an error or mistake back in your spouse’s face at a later date; don’t use it as ammunition in an argument.
    • Respectful arguments are the key to a successful marriage. By refraining from throwing an error or mistake back in your spouse’s face at a later date, you can avoid future conflict as well as ammunition for petty fights that will only hurt both of you and destroy any chance you have with each other.
    • It is never appropriate to throw mistakes in one another’s faces because it completely invalidates their feelings no matter how true those wrongs might be; instead, try respectfully arguing out issues, so you know where you stand!
Forgive your spouse
  • Accept that you may never know the reason for the transgression, behavior, or mistake.
    • Sometimes, it’s tough to figure out why someone has acted a certain way. It may be because they feel confused about something or didn’t know how else to cope with the situation at hand. But, you don’t need an explanation for everything, and you will never find one if that is what worries you most, so stop looking!

  • Refrain from seeking revenge or retribution; trying to get even will only extend the pain, and the chances are good that this won’t make you feel better anyway.
    • When seeking revenge or retribution, you can only end up with more hurt and pain. So instead, be the bigger person, take control of your life back from that one individual who wronged you so badly. This action will allow you to enjoy a better quality of living for yourself without being further affected by the past situation.

  • Remember that forgiveness does not mean that you condone hurtful behavior.
    • Forgiveness is important because it allows you to grow and evolve without being burdened by the hurtful behaviors of others.
    • Forgiving does not mean that you condone or accept wrongdoing but instead means letting go of yourself so that your energy can be used elsewhere. Remembering this will allow both parties involved in a situation to move forward with their lives – something they may have been unable to do before forgiveness took place.

  • Be patient with yourself. Being able to forgive your spouse takes time. So don’t try to hurry the process.
    • When it comes to forgiveness, the best thing you can do is be patient with yourself. Your spouse may have hurt your feelings or done something that made you angry. Take your time and process the situation, as it may take a while to reach a point of reconciliation.

  • Seek professional counseling to help you let go and forgive if you are still unable to forgive, or you find yourself dwelling on the betrayal or hurt.
    • If you find yourself unable to forgive your partner, it may be helpful to seek professional counseling. This will help you process the betrayal or hurt and provide insight into how best to move past that pain for forgiveness to occur.
    • Seeking out a counselor can often offer perspective on what has happened between partners. For example, when one person betrayed the other by committing an act of infidelity, this allows them time away from each other to think more clearly about their relationship without having resentment seep through every part of it.


Forgiveness is not easy, but it’s a necessary step in the healing process. When you forgive your spouse for hurting or betraying you, both of you can move on and work towards rebuilding trust. If these steps seem too daunting to take alone, don’t hesitate to reach out and ask for help from an expert who may be able to guide through this difficult time together.

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